In the second it takes the door to open I picture what will occur, some kind of shotgun blast, some kind of forced sexual scenario, some kind of silent or screaming slicing dicing humiliation. And now here she stands. Mother. Not my mother. Not Menace’s mother. But it, she, is mother… the hour glass hips turned up the right way, the tussled apron, short permed hazel hair, perky in perfect white shirt shining eyes with cream angle hands holding a freshly baked apple and raspberry pie, you can almost see a cartoon question mark in her eyes as her subtly glossed lips break into a smile and not a wrinkle appears to crease. H-hi, I’m Chris, and this is my friend, Menace. She twists the door open and stands aside to let us in. Looks like we’re in time for desert. ShhshutupMenace. And sorry, I didn’t catch your name. She does not stop smiling and motions down the well lit plaster hall. Ornate twenties ceiling with polished floorboards. Framed drawings of ancient tribes on the walls. Very nice house you have here, very nice, so we just keep going on down here? Looks back and she is just standing by the now closed shut door and smiling at us. Walk past the first door, the sniper room, silence then past another door, and the vibrations of some kind of recorded bass kicks. Break into whispers. What is that? Sounds like, fuckin, I don’t know, some metal song, heard the song somewhere before. They still have power? Yeah, or could be batteries? What the fuck is going on? I don’t know keep walking, we run when we get the chance. Alright. The third door bursts open. Out jumps a handicam attached to the hand of a young kid. Shoving and zooming the camera into our faces, red haired, ivory paper skin freckled with a T-shirt that says It’s The End Of The World As We Know It And I Feel Fi-Hehehehe. What the fuck’s he looking at? Hehehe how does it feel to be tricked by a thirteen year old? Moves the camera left right between our faces. What? I didn’t have a rifle, all I had was a little laser pointer, a piece of pipe and a firecracker hehehehe. Little bastard. Hehehehe, my dad wants to talk to you. Yeah, where is he? End of the hall, in the kitchen. HELLO LADS, LIKE A BEER?
The Prettiest Nightmare